Abyss of my perplexity.

Things are pretty much easier, when we know,
 we have nothing to lose at all!

Am I empty? Or am I too much full? I am lost in my own clumsiness. My memories, are they jammed? Have I just let it freeze, or have I forgotten everything on purpose, or is it that I just have lost the control of my neurons. I just have these shifting thoughts every now and then. My apprehension is questionable, I question it myself. Am I shy, or am I too loud? Am I worth it or am I just not the kind? Am I doing the thing that is wrong, or just the right thing the wrong way? Questions, they are a part of me. I have these unsorted puzzles, puzzles that are colorful just one second and colorless the other. To express or not to, and if I decide to express all of it, what is that I really am trying to express. Darn it! Its just to precarious! I am just too insane. I am not rational, not anymore. Rationality has turned sour on me. If words could just be enough, I would write them down, all of them within my ambit. I doubt every bit of myself.
I am not a skeptic, no I am not.
 I just am too much carefree and careful all at the same time,
Too much full and too much empty just at the same time.
 It’s a combination. I have been accustomed to this self.
 I have lost the grip of time, that time when I knowingly or unknowingly,
 willingly or unwillingly
 happened to acclimatize to this self.
 I wonder if it is a circle that I happen to go around, at the time of bliss, at the time of disguise.
 No wonder, I feel I am a younker. Just the normal kind, whose normality is always questionable; Depending on the temperature of its soul, it’s a state of mind - all the external factors taken into consideration. ;)