I wish to feel! :)

With the morning sun, rises a new hope, a new aspiration in me. Realizing how it could make me, how it could change my life. Every other day, I feel something is going to happen, something that will change my life totally. I don’t know if its just an utopian thought, but I never forget, never ever to feel that this day could be life changing.  I have been waiting for that day when my life gets totally, erratically, franctically changed! I mean a big Change!

In this so expected shift, I have come across things, a lot of them. Happiness, sorrow, they have been like sun and the rain! Inseparable! Once I get one, the other can’t resist to knock the door. So, here I m tangled up with all of it. I don’t mind them, really I don’t.  What keeps me wondering is, when is it really going to occur to me. Even though I have no concrete plan on what I will be doing that day, when it actually knocks at me. Sometimes I feel like giving up on this precarious mission of mine, just the other I realize giving up would be quite easy! Way too easy. I can stand it all along, however it is bound to make me feel. Let me just feel for once. Cause I have realized I have been living numb all this long. I haven’t ever had the chance to feel, either happy or sad, either glad or perturbed. I might have made many promises, broken plenty of them, I might have laughed, cried a thousands of times, I might have said I have been in love, had had a bitter heartache, I might have failed numerous times, won on few, I might have done many things but I still haven’t ever felt! Felt truly what I have done. I never did feel any of it. Might be it would be too easier if I could just feel, feel my heart beat, feel my breathe, feel my pulses. I would have found that I was not merely alive but I was living. Living a life! A real life!

I don’t know what tomorrow shall bring. I don’t know what the future holds for me. But with certainty I can say that I will strive for one thing. The simplest thing. To feel. To feel my existence. To feel my life. Feel the world around. And feel how life actually feels. J