That was harassment.
When I was in high school (around 15-16 years of age) I faced verbal, digital harassment with hefty amount of sexual connotation to it. Honestly, back then I didn't even know most of the words or phrases that were thrown my way. I have to admit, I was meek. Scared to fight back. But on my defence I didn't even know who my perpetrators were, which left me with little if any choice to get the culprit to justice. Also, it was Nepal, where speaking up about all these things was not so easy back then. If a girl ever spoke up against her harasser she would be blamed for it! That was almost 10 years, almost a decade ago. It changed me completely as a person.
Almost 10 years later, yesterday on 18th of March, 2017, here in the most civilized part of the world, The Netherlands, in a crowded decent bar I was harassed again. This time it wasn't just another catcalling or just a sexual harassment. It had heavy tint of racism. This middle aged man who struck a casual bar conversation went overboard with his words when I didn't entertain his questions and instead wanted to focus on my drink and the game I was watching (since, I don't own a TV here, I went to the bar to watch the TV there)! And, yes not to forget I was all on my own, ALONE! Sitting at the bar, downing my second glass of beer (Just to stress the fact that I was an easy prey for any malevolent pair of eyes)! I indeed was for this man. Who shamelessly started calling me a Bitch, To Fuck off while showing me derogatory hand gestures. When he didn't get any reaction from me even by then, he went to the next level. He said "GO BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY!" This wasn't the end, he insincerely tried apologizing for his behavior and insisted on buying me a beer, to which I said NO! That was when he got hold of my bag which was underneath my chair and started yelling at me saying that he will call the cops and tell them that I was stealing his bag! Btw he wouldn't let go off my bag, I had to ask the bartender to keep it on their side for me. I managed to escape and run to the toilet. I must have spent good 10 to 15 minutes there, trying to reach out to my friends. I was shocked. I tried to escape the bar from the other end, when the bartender came up to me and asked me to fetch my bag as the man was creating a scene about the bag. By the time I was there to get my bag, I had learnt that the man had left, and my bag had been thoroughly examined (because they were packing my bag when I arrived there). Thereafter, the lady bartender came up to me, asked me if I was being harassed and patted me on my shoulder for dealing with the situation the way I did (which was not creating a scene and escaping to the toilet)! I affirmed that I had been harassed right in front of their eyes, when they decided to be silent bystanders. (I don't even know if this should be something that should bother me).
It wasn't until today morning that I could completely comprehend what had actually happened to me. That I had been harassed in a busy bar, in the most civilized part of the world. I don't blame the country or the people here for whatever happened to me. But, what makes me wonder is how can we actually debase our basic human values. Our humanity. How can it be so easy for a male figure to harass females all around the world, from Nepal to Netherlands. And, why in this century when we have won ourselves democracy, liberty and everything that we consider a virtue, do we still struggle to stand up to basic human value- respect.
Even today, honestly I was torn between letting this incident go and reporting it. All thanks to my supportive friends here and my sister, I stood up to it and did report this incident. What shakes my soul is, if that could be a case for a social engineer, a lawyer and an educated independent woman like me, how women all over the world in much worse position than I am in, fight against this form of injustice? How difficult would it be for them to muster all their courage to fight against any form of violence directed towards them? And, how can it be okay for people out there to treat someone else like crap, to believe that they can antagonize someone just because they belong to a different race or have a different nationality. And all of that under some facade! Here, under the guise of intoxication!
Almost 10 years later, yesterday on 18th of March, 2017, here in the most civilized part of the world, The Netherlands, in a crowded decent bar I was harassed again. This time it wasn't just another catcalling or just a sexual harassment. It had heavy tint of racism. This middle aged man who struck a casual bar conversation went overboard with his words when I didn't entertain his questions and instead wanted to focus on my drink and the game I was watching (since, I don't own a TV here, I went to the bar to watch the TV there)! And, yes not to forget I was all on my own, ALONE! Sitting at the bar, downing my second glass of beer (Just to stress the fact that I was an easy prey for any malevolent pair of eyes)! I indeed was for this man. Who shamelessly started calling me a Bitch, To Fuck off while showing me derogatory hand gestures. When he didn't get any reaction from me even by then, he went to the next level. He said "GO BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY!" This wasn't the end, he insincerely tried apologizing for his behavior and insisted on buying me a beer, to which I said NO! That was when he got hold of my bag which was underneath my chair and started yelling at me saying that he will call the cops and tell them that I was stealing his bag! Btw he wouldn't let go off my bag, I had to ask the bartender to keep it on their side for me. I managed to escape and run to the toilet. I must have spent good 10 to 15 minutes there, trying to reach out to my friends. I was shocked. I tried to escape the bar from the other end, when the bartender came up to me and asked me to fetch my bag as the man was creating a scene about the bag. By the time I was there to get my bag, I had learnt that the man had left, and my bag had been thoroughly examined (because they were packing my bag when I arrived there). Thereafter, the lady bartender came up to me, asked me if I was being harassed and patted me on my shoulder for dealing with the situation the way I did (which was not creating a scene and escaping to the toilet)! I affirmed that I had been harassed right in front of their eyes, when they decided to be silent bystanders. (I don't even know if this should be something that should bother me).
It wasn't until today morning that I could completely comprehend what had actually happened to me. That I had been harassed in a busy bar, in the most civilized part of the world. I don't blame the country or the people here for whatever happened to me. But, what makes me wonder is how can we actually debase our basic human values. Our humanity. How can it be so easy for a male figure to harass females all around the world, from Nepal to Netherlands. And, why in this century when we have won ourselves democracy, liberty and everything that we consider a virtue, do we still struggle to stand up to basic human value- respect.
Even today, honestly I was torn between letting this incident go and reporting it. All thanks to my supportive friends here and my sister, I stood up to it and did report this incident. What shakes my soul is, if that could be a case for a social engineer, a lawyer and an educated independent woman like me, how women all over the world in much worse position than I am in, fight against this form of injustice? How difficult would it be for them to muster all their courage to fight against any form of violence directed towards them? And, how can it be okay for people out there to treat someone else like crap, to believe that they can antagonize someone just because they belong to a different race or have a different nationality. And all of that under some facade! Here, under the guise of intoxication!
OMG! such a racism in Netherland! I could only imagine what you must have gone through. So sorry to hear about the harassment dear! But as you said you have to be strong and you did right by reporting the incident.
ReplyDeleteI am right now in New York to participate in a conference. I have my presentation this Saturday. Would love to catch up with you dear Subrata! Love, Rajani dd