Just another thought :)

Pretensions so far, they have worked at odds with me. They vanish, re appear, and convince me. Just a clinch and I get deluded. Lost in the insincerity of my own self. The one, I assume to have known, for too long. The one I have carried with me all along, without having the slightest idea of its kind. Not that I happen to despise my soul in any way, why would I ever do that? I question myself, every now and then, for things I do, for my deeds and almost everything that goes around. Just to know, if in anyway the “world is round” philosophy is finding its way in my life. And I happen to walk down the not so long memory lane of my own, just trying to sift on things I did, things I didn’t do, my omission’s , my commissions, my acts, my sins, every bit of me, every single strand of it, that I happen to carry with me. And this not answers my question, instead surrounds me with more of it. Just to remind me that, I am just another piece of a pencil, ready to be sharpened, ready to be moved in a sand paper, at someone else’s will and just the way the other one wants to. It depresses you, doesn’t it? Well, it happens to suck out every bit of hope and faith, left in me, it truly does. And you ask me, why am I being such a paranoid, such a sulky beast. Not that I am trying to deject you with my ideologies, but the fact is, some of the things run just the way they do. The more you act inquisitive towards the fact, the more you try to find the answer to it, you are doing nothing more than trying to create a bleak out of your life. So, what I am actually trying to find out is, when did I happen to deceive myself, beguile that innocent beast, that happened to have dreams and aspirations. That wanted to soar- the highest, and not be just another futile flutter. Well the fact, I understand for now is, life has some rules, and the better you acclimatize to them, the faster you learn to enjoy the flight or the ride, either of them, you happen to take. Dreams, they are not just boundless, they have their own limitations. Not because, they don’t exist, but because they do exist, and at the same time, we happen to exist in such a place, where that existence hardly matters, if at all. With those existential differences and the more, we just tend to lose ourselves on the way. Those of us, who are strong enough to hold on, hold on to our forte, and our belief that we can actually get past the rain; to our own surprise happen to sail in the downpour, without having the slightest idea, that we were carrying no umbrella at all. J