Ignorantia!

While trying to start what I really want to write, I am wondering, if what I feel is sane enough. Well let me make things clear first, I am not a kind of person who would care enough what others have to think about my thoughts, at least. That doesn’t make me any arrogant miscreant either. Its just that am too buoyant with what people actually say or do. Look, I can’t lie when I m speaking of me being me. So, here I decide to disclose a part of my personality. I won’t rather prefer to call myself obnoxious being, be it at my odds or my evens. But, since I have promised to speak the truth, to myself; if not to everyone, everytime. Here, let me commence the rather humanly nature I possess, which in turn seems to me to be quite out of the world. Yes, I care what people do, say; yes I truly do. There words well good or bad gets me thinking, it makes me sift them, refine them, analyze them, view it from every angle possible and then slowly reach to a conclusion. Obviously, that’s what a sane human would do in all their alert senses, won’t they? Well, whatever you have to say, I still can pay no heed to it, can turn deaf to your words. No, no, don’t jump to any conclusion so fast, I am not turning on my own words. Its just that you haven’t really heard the whole part of it. Let me continue, I care, care enough, of what people say, those people whose existence actually makes a difference in my life and vice versa. There are a whole lot of people whose words just past my psyche, like it was never even pronounced. These lots are whom I am talking of all the way. I won’t want to bore you with all these minute and extensive details of my likes and dislikes. But am quite conscious of what I want you to understand about my feelings when I try to say all these things, of my likes and dislikes.

So, to say, I have come across to know that to ignore someone, you have to think a lot, a lot more, so much so that you finally decide to ignore them. Alas! Ignorantia from someone you presumed to care about you, how would that feel. Wouldn’t it be like driving a stake right through your heart; much more painful, I say. For every breathe you take, you owe yourself a heck lot, with that uncontrollable gulp in your throat, with that ever running motors in your nervous system, you would rather opt out to collapse. And then the very other moment, if you are strong enough, you come across the other personality within you. The one that wants to wipe out all your weaknesses, all your remorse and all of those things that makes you feel feeble. This is the moment when you stand in the verse of life, where crossing a thin line can save you and standing on the other edge can only disguise you more. To cut it all short, let me now entirely tell you what is it all about, that I am speaking of. As an ordinary human, a very very ordinary human, I have cared. Cared too much, too many times and too more, indeed that’s what makes me loathe myself more. And when ultimately I realized, without any knock or without any fall, but just because of a simple segregation, that this life is mine. I have been born alone, whether or not tomorrow, or let’s say today, anyone else around me be or not with me, its always certain that till I am here, I will be with myself. And that’s what has to matter, its me who is my ultimate friend , my ultimate foe, my devastating weakness, my overarching strength, its all me. That’s why the English alphabet suggests to use a standard form for the same, “I”.