A Letter to my Dear Mother
Dear Mommy,
First of all, thank you for being there, always. I cannot stop appreciating the things you have done for me all along. One might say, isn't it normal for moms to make sacrifices for their kids? Maybe. But, is that a good enough reason not to be grateful, I ask? Maybe for someone else, the things you have done for me would seem normal. For me, it is the edifice of my being, of who I am and what I have achieved and become so far.
However, I have to ask you for something more. A promise.
Mommy, promise me that you are not going to bring up the marriage thing until I am the one wanting it really bad. Until I have everything else figured out in my life. I am not ready to be with anyone, I am not ready for a relationship, marriage is a far-fetched thing. When you bring in the marriage thing, it scares me, freaks me out, makes me feel super lonely, and unsure if I can ever come home if things don't work out elsewhere. Because that marriage thing would be hanging over my head like a sword and I know you and papa, you people will force your way into it. I really really respect and adore you and papa, I am grateful for everything you have done for me and are still doing. But, by now you have to understand that this daughter of yours has ambitions and dreams.
Once in a while, I definitely complain about being single and all. When I complain about these things, all I want is a pair of empathetic ears to listen to it, acknowledge the fact that this mama's and papa's girl is out there all alone, with no friends or family to call her own. So, when I call you in the middle of the night, or early morning in the middle of your sleep just listen to my ranting and ignore it. Mommy, you know you have been my best friend and you know everything about my life, from my obsessions to anxieties to my love life. This friendship has been so convenient, so smooth because I could trust you with all my secrets when I could trust no one else. So, now I have another thing to confess.
Mommy, I want to be somebody. Somebody who doesn't just exist, somebody who lives and matters and touches the lives of many out there besides their closest family and friends.
You of all people know how difficult it is to be somebody in this big world especially when you come from a country like Nepal. I am trying to be someone, mom. That might mean I will have to make the sacrifices on every front of my life. Everyone makes sacrifices on different levels. It is more so for immigrants who don't have many prospects back home and who want to be someone outside of their homeland. And trust me despite me constantly complaining about things, I am ready and willing to do whatever it takes to become the person I want to become, or at least try my best. In this, if you bring the marriage debate into the picture, I would have one more thing to fight against which I cannot afford right now.
Back in your days, at least in Nepal, marriage was not a choice it was more of the right thing to do and you, as many resigned to it without any protest. The scene hasn't changed much today either. I am not against the idea of marriage or being with someone. I am just not there yet. I haven't met that one person, yet. Maybe, I never will. But, I want to learn to be okay with the idea that I might never have someone to come back home to or a better half to go to the movies or to the park or take trips with. I want to be comfortable with the idea that this happy ending might or might not happen. That, I might be lucky enough to have it or lucky enough not to have it. However, I want to be assured that this viewpoint is respected. If not by the rest of the world, at least by my family, my mom. I want to be able to keep doing what I love doing without having to think that I have to be with someone to prove my worth, that I need to settle down and have kids because that's what rest of the people my age (normally) would do.
Think about it mom, forcing your independent, strong, educated daughter to be with a man she doesn't even know or hasn't even fallen in love with, how well would it play for her? Putting on a timer on when we should get married just increases the burden on our shoulders. It makes us wonder if we are worth it. Oftentimes, it makes us settle down for just anybody because the clock, the clock that the society created, is ticking and we, we are running out of time. In other words, it is a modern-day marriage time bomb with our independence and dreams and self-worth at stake. And, I know you well to know this mommy, that you don't want me to settle for anything just because I need to, or just because it is expected of me by the society at large. The society that has zero roles, if any, in my success, my failures, or anything concerning me, but somehow always finds its way into dictating what I should do or become. It just doesn't match so well, mom, and, trust me it is not something we should give in to, at least in this era.
I sincerely hope that you understand my position. You have supported me all along, please, hang in there, support this stance of mine. I don't know if I will come out with flying colors like the school and college results I came out with, but I will definitely become a different person. A person worth becoming and I hope I will make you proud then.
So, mom I just want to thank you for everything you have done for me all along and I just want to ask you to believe in me for a bit longer and let me live my dream or at least try to live it.
Sincerely,
Your Loving Daughter.
First of all, thank you for being there, always. I cannot stop appreciating the things you have done for me all along. One might say, isn't it normal for moms to make sacrifices for their kids? Maybe. But, is that a good enough reason not to be grateful, I ask? Maybe for someone else, the things you have done for me would seem normal. For me, it is the edifice of my being, of who I am and what I have achieved and become so far.
However, I have to ask you for something more. A promise.
Mommy, promise me that you are not going to bring up the marriage thing until I am the one wanting it really bad. Until I have everything else figured out in my life. I am not ready to be with anyone, I am not ready for a relationship, marriage is a far-fetched thing. When you bring in the marriage thing, it scares me, freaks me out, makes me feel super lonely, and unsure if I can ever come home if things don't work out elsewhere. Because that marriage thing would be hanging over my head like a sword and I know you and papa, you people will force your way into it. I really really respect and adore you and papa, I am grateful for everything you have done for me and are still doing. But, by now you have to understand that this daughter of yours has ambitions and dreams.
Once in a while, I definitely complain about being single and all. When I complain about these things, all I want is a pair of empathetic ears to listen to it, acknowledge the fact that this mama's and papa's girl is out there all alone, with no friends or family to call her own. So, when I call you in the middle of the night, or early morning in the middle of your sleep just listen to my ranting and ignore it. Mommy, you know you have been my best friend and you know everything about my life, from my obsessions to anxieties to my love life. This friendship has been so convenient, so smooth because I could trust you with all my secrets when I could trust no one else. So, now I have another thing to confess.
Mommy, I want to be somebody. Somebody who doesn't just exist, somebody who lives and matters and touches the lives of many out there besides their closest family and friends.
You of all people know how difficult it is to be somebody in this big world especially when you come from a country like Nepal. I am trying to be someone, mom. That might mean I will have to make the sacrifices on every front of my life. Everyone makes sacrifices on different levels. It is more so for immigrants who don't have many prospects back home and who want to be someone outside of their homeland. And trust me despite me constantly complaining about things, I am ready and willing to do whatever it takes to become the person I want to become, or at least try my best. In this, if you bring the marriage debate into the picture, I would have one more thing to fight against which I cannot afford right now.
Back in your days, at least in Nepal, marriage was not a choice it was more of the right thing to do and you, as many resigned to it without any protest. The scene hasn't changed much today either. I am not against the idea of marriage or being with someone. I am just not there yet. I haven't met that one person, yet. Maybe, I never will. But, I want to learn to be okay with the idea that I might never have someone to come back home to or a better half to go to the movies or to the park or take trips with. I want to be comfortable with the idea that this happy ending might or might not happen. That, I might be lucky enough to have it or lucky enough not to have it. However, I want to be assured that this viewpoint is respected. If not by the rest of the world, at least by my family, my mom. I want to be able to keep doing what I love doing without having to think that I have to be with someone to prove my worth, that I need to settle down and have kids because that's what rest of the people my age (normally) would do.
Think about it mom, forcing your independent, strong, educated daughter to be with a man she doesn't even know or hasn't even fallen in love with, how well would it play for her? Putting on a timer on when we should get married just increases the burden on our shoulders. It makes us wonder if we are worth it. Oftentimes, it makes us settle down for just anybody because the clock, the clock that the society created, is ticking and we, we are running out of time. In other words, it is a modern-day marriage time bomb with our independence and dreams and self-worth at stake. And, I know you well to know this mommy, that you don't want me to settle for anything just because I need to, or just because it is expected of me by the society at large. The society that has zero roles, if any, in my success, my failures, or anything concerning me, but somehow always finds its way into dictating what I should do or become. It just doesn't match so well, mom, and, trust me it is not something we should give in to, at least in this era.
I sincerely hope that you understand my position. You have supported me all along, please, hang in there, support this stance of mine. I don't know if I will come out with flying colors like the school and college results I came out with, but I will definitely become a different person. A person worth becoming and I hope I will make you proud then.
So, mom I just want to thank you for everything you have done for me all along and I just want to ask you to believe in me for a bit longer and let me live my dream or at least try to live it.
Sincerely,
Your Loving Daughter.
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