Cynical tussle

My mind, is way more fluctuating, more than the beats of my heart. I take myself aback, as I lie with my eyes open. I dream rather too much, with my eyes open, than with them closed. I have baffled people, bemused them, amused them, more than anyone else, I have caused myself that severe perplexity. The severest of all kinds, I just can’t define. Lack of any sort of embellished diction has nothing to do with my incapability to define this flabbergast I happen to relay, to myself. I try the best possible to negate it, to lessen this daze. Alas! I have either tried too hard, or over thought too much. Whatever be the reason, I would like to get to what I actually was about to say. Lately, my feelings are taking a U turn, pretty bit of it, maybe a little more than a bit. I just don’t want to swindle myself in these play of words. To be straight mouthed, or handed be it (if it possibly happens to exist). I feel so much connected to a single being, even years of distance wouldn’t let my heart give up, my mind to pause and shift its focus. Despite all the distance, the gaps, the odds, the troughs, the bewilderment and despite what not, I just possibly can’t let go. And to add fuel to fire, the other side, it speaks so explicitly of other being. Happy in the moment, cherishing every bit of it, just candid enough, no calculations, no balancing for the first time, and just everything one could possibly expect out of their lives. Happiness drenched in the sweetness and the serenity of everything existent so far. In between this fray of my 4 chambered pump, with itself, and not any external agent, the scuffle gets too hard, too drenching, too exhausting! Had it been with some other being, I would have just walked away, or defended every bit of me with that neatness and perfection. With every sunrise, I think of one half as the better and with every sunset I prefer the other half. What really gets me go head over heels is not my inability to figure out the right being, but rather the fact that if anyone can be so falling for more than a being at the same time, just right at the same moment! And when the distinction gets harder, things start getting blurred even more, and I just wait back, watch things go with the flow, look at the times, laugh, smile, and just not think of anything. Time has its own ways, it just makes the pieces fall into places, and we stand here watching the pieces fall into places just at the right time. Cause there are certain stories that find glory, when the right time arrives, and before that, its just a piece of puzzle, better unsolved! J